


Can You Hear Me Now (or Am I Lost)?

by Somekindofflower



Series: Come to Me, My Sweetest Friend [3]
Category: ER (TV 1994)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Lovers to Friends, Mentions of Luka/Sam, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somekindofflower/pseuds/Somekindofflower
Summary: Luka reacts to Abby being kidnapped in Skin (Season 11, Episode 10). Prompt fill from tumblr. Angst and angst.





	Can You Hear Me Now (or Am I Lost)?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, mearcats, for the prompt! Feel free to send me Abby/Luka prompts (or just prompts for either of them, with friends or alone).
> 
> Thanks for reading!

 

Luka buries his face in his hands and breathes deeply, trying to quell the rage that churns inside him. Much of it is aimed at himself--almost all of it. He’s hiding in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet fully clothed. There are too many people in this hospital and, just for the moment, he hates most of them.

The attendings had been irritated at Abby all day. Susan complained about how she was being petulant and taking off, Carter blew off any concern to the contrary. Yeah, she could be skittish and petulant in her personal life, but Luka can’t think of a single instance when she’s blown off work because of it. She tends to focus on work TOO much when she’s upset. He’d been worried, he had KNOWN it would be out of character for her to run off like that, and he’d let Carter talk him out of it. He’d even joined in as Carter listed her faults. All the while, she was being held at gunpoint.

The toilet paper dispenser cracks and dislodges from the wall as a sharp pain shoots through his fist. Well. At least that will be inexpensive and easy to replace. Unlike what else, _who_ else, had almost been lost that night.

Abby could have died. She could have been gone forever, and he can’t remember the last thing he said to her that wasn’t about work. The thought makes him ache. The door inside him that he diligently keeps under lock and key, the one he pretends doesn’t exist, rattles and nearly pops open, but he shoves back against it hard.

Luka misses her, yes, even just as a friend. It doesn’t matter. Not when he has Alex and Sam, not when he has a family. Of sorts, anyway, even if he’s more the sometimes unwanted next-door neighbor rather than the dad and partner.

It’s too much like when Brian had attacked her. Yet he can’t vent his anger and panic by pounding on anyone this time. A wife beater is one thing, while a couple of teenagers who think they don’t have any other choice is another. While they’re technically friends, he can’t be there for her like he had then. She can’t come sleep on his couch, and he can't watch over her. He’ll always, _always_ …care...for her. But he can’t be friends like they were then, when it had been mixed up with too much hope for more. His heart had gotten crushed, his life had spun out of control, and this time, there would be even more collateral damage.

Sam needs him, ALEX needs him, even if they don’t quite see that. They need someone, if not Luka specifically, but, well, he’s someone.

And they love each other. Don’t they?

It might be a different sort of love than he’s experienced before. It’s certainly not the kind of love he’d shared with Danijela, the giddy young love that had grown into something strong and dependable before it had been cut short. It’s not like what he’d shared with Abby, either, that deep emotional connection that had come early and strong enough to scare them both. So maybe it’s more of a caretaking kind of love, companionship and familial love, rather than a passionate love. It’s still more than he’s had in years. Even if it’s a pale imitation of what he wants, it can grow into more, as long as he stays the course. Can’t it?

It has to. He has to believe that. He’s too old to start all over again, and he can’t waste what is probably his last chance at a family. Normally, he can keep his head down and ignore any niggling feelings or intrusive thoughts that say otherwise.

But it’s Abby. It’s ABBY, and he has to go on as if it barely matters that he almost lost her in the most permanent, most literal, most terrible way. He’s already lost her in most ways, and it hurts to live with even that. But he has to, and at least there’s a possibility that they can each be happy apart. He has to leave this bathroom, has to keep trying, has to get his shit together before going home to Alex and Sam.

He gets up and collects the pieces of the broken toilet paper dispenser. On his way out, he sighs and dumps them in the trash can. He tries to ignore the rattling of the jagged plastic shards as they fall, as he ignores the rattling of that damn door in his heart.

 


End file.
